Yes, I had a very successful 50K in November (VERY cold...I did not sweat until around mile 20) and a suprisingly awesome marathon in December after getting over an ear infection & sinus infection, but after Christmas, I could NOT stay well...
Another sinus infection. Then a upper respiratory infection from Hell. Then a stomach virus that made me lose weight. Then thyroid issues. I would get over one thing, and then have something new within a few weeks.
SERIOUSLY, give me a break!
Then, there's this thing called life. You have your time that you are on top of the mountain, and then you have your time when you are low in the valley. Honestly, I have felt like I have been in a valley for a few months. I feel guilty about even saying that because I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful, but I have allowed myself to keep too much stress on me. I have allowed people to get to me in ways that they shouldn't. I have seen and heard things from my students in the last couple of months that have hurt my heart. I pray and wish that I could do more, and I feel guilty that I can't. I have begin to feel sick about it. I am taking my job home, paperwork and even thoughts, when I should be focused on my husband & leave that at home. Then guilt sets in.
Yes, I know I write a running blog, but I write this to say this: it's difficult to run and perform your best when you're sick. It's hard to run when you are stressed to a point that it's hard to breathe from anxiety or you are on the verge of just wanting to cry.
A wise runner once told me that sometimes, you will have a bad run. You might feel bad, hurt, and just not be into the race or run itself. Other days, you will have a great run, or even the best run you ever had, whether you trained hard for it or it just happens out of the blue. BOTH are what it takes to be a successful runner.
It makes me think of life also. You will have bad days, but you will also have good days. Both are equally important. Those good days will remind you of your blessings, who you are, what's your purpose, and what God wants you to be. Your bad days should remind you of the same. Yes, I know that's hard to swallow, and I'm talking to myself too. You're talking to someone that has dealt with that demon called anxiety all of her life, and the only thing that has helped me with it is Jesus, plain and simple. If I didn't have my prayer life and relationship with Him, I would be in serious trouble.
As a Christian, I tend to feel guilty or like I am backsliding when I begin to worry or when I begin to feel anxious. However I have to remind myself that it's not sin, but it's how I handle it and how I allow myself to feel. Just like I will handle my negative thoughts with positive prayers of thanksgiving, I will also be handling my 13.1 race tomorrow with the same attitude. I will NOT beat myself in the head if I don't finish at the exact time I want. Instead, I will be thankful for the ability to be even out there running. I will be thankful for those friends that believe in me and that run that same race with me, whether by me, in front of me, or behind me.
As a runner and a person, I like to challenge myself and make goals to motivate myself along with encouraging myself to do better. There is nothing wrong with that. But, as you can see above, sometimes one cannot make these goals due to justifiable reasons. Even when this happens, I find myself hard on myself, which I shouldn't be. You shouldn't be either!
My last race was in February. It was the Tick Ridge Trek race, which is a very challenging trail race in Elkton, Tennessee. HILLS. I was too ill the week of and before to complete the 25k, so I dropped down to the 10k. I suffered through that whole 10k. My brain and legs felt like it was going through a 26.2 race when I was only going 6.2. I was angry at myself for not even getting close to my goal, even though I had perfect reasons why I couldn't attain it. Needless to say, I had to make a serious attitude adjustment halfway through the race, and just tell myself, "just finish...your ride home is waiting on you...just finish." I have never smiled so big after a race...I was SO happy it was OVER! I am so thankful for my running friends, especially Chris and Eric, that pulled me through that race. I would have probably just wanted to be picked up and taken to the finish if it wasn't for them.
Tomorrow, I am hoping for a great race. I have had some successful training this week after a nasty stomach virus last week, but my pace has suffered a lot, but we will see where this race takes me. Whether I finish in 2 hours or 4 hours, I still get the same medal, right? How's that for a positive attitude?! Bring it on, Scottsboro!
I have 4 exciting races within the next four weeks! I am hoping that I have time to blog more since I missed writing last month due with sickness and too many hours at work.
Here's to next time! Remember, you can be a runner too! Who knows, it might change your life. :)
Hal Higdon's Walking 5k Plan
Runkeeper's Beginner 5k Plan (You can get this app on your phone!)
6 Great Reasons Why You Should Run!
My St. Jude Hero Fundraising Page
-Holly
Oh, and I want to leave you with this too...every person, every life has a story. Have a great weekend. :)
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